Monday, 16 July 2012

I Became Charlie Brown

With a cute little pink bag, I saw her following her uncle. It was my first time seeing her. The year for the school season had already started and she  came two weeks after the class began. We were all excited with  one more year promoted passing the BCSC examination and being in the stream that I always wanted to be, SCIENCE, 11 science. Her glance did not have any affect upon me at the beginning. I was the front row holder and could have easily notice her charming face but her long striped hair infront  covered half of her face and on top, she was very shy girl. She was assigned at the last bench with a partnerless girl with an empty chair beside her. Our distance in the seat never made anything come up between us until……….

One morning during SUPW period, all the girls and boys were made to work together in our cleaning area unlike other days where work was divided within groups of A and B. I was in A and she was in B.  But that particular period was the moment where my new life has just started to germinate. When she was covering her mouth because she could not resist a slight dust particle, my friends started making fun of her and misusing languages against her. I got upset and told my friends not to speak and talk like that about the a girl when suddenly my friends took up wrong perception and started thinking that my supportive sentence towards her means me having  feelings for her. They all started teasing me. I disagreed for that moment and told them it was nothing as such but I remember myself looking at her that time and saw her face so close….gosh! she was so beautiful…!! and felt myself blushing within.

The following night, I kept thinking about her face. The way she was covering her face with the handkerchief  and saw her eyes and long shinny hair tied down to the left of the shoulder. The dream was almost to reach the heaven that night. My most wonderful leisure night.

Next day, I made an attempt to go and talk to her. She was sitting in the last row writing notes on English short stories. English being my poor subject, I used that as my tool to talk with her. “excuse me, can I please borrow your english book, I will return you in the afternoon” .” oh…of course” , she replied and her sweet voice rang my ears  time and again.  She gave me the book and I looked at her through the corner of my eyes and left. That day, her book was all enough for me to have her presence in my heart.
I frequently searched for such opportunities and  made my face get imprinted on her mind. I accompanied whenever she was alone, made her laugh, cracked jokes and in turn, I would observe her eyes, her smile and facial expressions. Slowly she felt comfortable being friend with me and she would always  ask for me rather than other boys in the class. Other guys getting jealous at me since lots other in  the class  liked her.

One incident I would never forget in my life where my best friend tried to hit her.  My friend was asking scale from her when I,  in fun signaled her from side not to give him. She was half way on passing the scale, one end of scale being on my friend’s hand, that suddenly seeing my signal, she pulled back the scale. Our teacher also saw that and my short-tempered friend got embarrassed and mad and almost hit her. I pulled him back and told that it was my fault. That was a critical situation where in one side was my best friend and on other side, my love. No one knew, in actual, that I loved her seriously.

Above was the sad part. Now my most half embarrassing and half happiest moment. It was during one of the free period when our teacher got late to reach the class. My friends knew about my feelings for her then, they all got me onto the chair and tied me up with the kabney and made me impossible to move also. They all carried me beside her seat and placed me there. Coincidentally teacher entered the class and saw me in that condition. That was so embarrassing, my face turned apple red. I saw her, she was embarrassed too and was keeping her head bend down. But in one way, it was my most happiest moment, my teacher too knew about my love and pretended not to notice and I just rejoiced my unconditioned situation to be with her whole period.  Ahhhhh!!!!

Time passed off like winds. My closeness also became stronger with her but before I could express my love for her, I learned the secret sad story of her life and my step stopped the midway itself. When she was in class ten, old enough to understand everything, she was orphaned as both of her parents died in a tragic car accident leaving her all alone with her younger brother and younger sister. She ultimately had to support her brother and sister emotionally. My heart pitied hearing her story and I never made any attempt to express my feelings  for her ever.  But I know she knew that I loved her , she just didn’t admit it. My feelings for her grew more stronger and I started caring her like never before. After that whole chambers of my heart was  for her and there was no space for any other girl in my life anymore. I never admitted but I kept loving her. Time flew and we all completed our class 12 grade. During vacations also, we would meet sometimes. She went to her birthplace in Bumthang and I went to my place.

Soon, our results were out. She got into CNR(college of natural resources) and I came to india for my further studies. Our path were totally diverted by then but we decided not to lose contact. Now it has been almost one year that  I am away from her and didn’t even see her once though we met in facebook. I had no feelings at all in any girls in the college and became uninterested to girls. I only remembered her and only her.

Few months before, I went back to my homeland during my vacation. I decided to meet her. I searched for her and waited for her to be online sometimes but she never came. One day I met one of my old school friend who was also studying in CNR and he gave me the most TRAGIC news of my life. I heard “she has got boyfriend”. My feet became numb, I could not hear anything for one moment and almost forgot  where I was standing. Soon I rubbed my ears and heard “ yes, she has got boyfriend from her college only”.  I got so emotional that tears started rolling down my eyes. I realized how I made the biggest mistake of my life. I didn’t even share my feelings for her and now she is around the arms of someone else. My coming to vacation so far from my college was to hear this small news that would have taken soul out of me. I became emotionally hurt and for few days, my life was in darkness. I felt terribly sad.

I became Charlie brown, failing to requite my love for her just like in the short story “nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter” . But the difference between me and Charlie brown was that, he loved the littler red haired girl at first sight, he didn’t knew her, she didn’t know him, he loved her but the girl didn’t know he loved her. As in my case, I loved her as I spent more time with her, I knew her, she knew me, I loved her and she knew I loved her and who knows, she might have been waiting for me to say something to her. I was not so brave enough after listening to her sad part of story.  Biggest regret of my life and I would never forget. I wish and wish that I could turn back the time.

(note: it is a real story of one of my friend,and not to be mistaken as being mine. i have written in first person point of me and haven't mentioned any names. i have tried my best to portray it as originally as possible. hope you had a nice reading. thank you.)