Prelims freaky Sunday

“You may start writing”, the examiner announced.

And the race for the entry into the civil service STAGE 1 kick started.  Whisper of papers flipping forward and backward was the only sound inside the tensed four walls of the room with graduates carefully shading the OMR sheet onto their respective choices, some well analyzed and some with mere luck.

Mine wasn’t any exception. Time was passing by as if being followed by a giant snake. My hands and fingers experienced an unexpected tremor of shake and I could hardly get the shading right without turning it into an apple or a mango at the beginning. I had the shading practiced at home several times because I pictured myself troubled while shading during the examination. Despite the practice, it did trouble me but I could gather myself back to normal gradually.

The two and half hour PE was an obscure moment which passed by like a dream, hardly being able to remember the questions nor the answers marked. With the type of questions given in the problem solving section and with the given amount of time, it is indeed a test of one’s aptitude ;to be able to solve as quickly as possible. Whether one has done it good or bad, one could hardly tell what would be the outcome. There is no such thing as half mark, nor marks for few of steps before the answer. It is solely and whole of “1 mark” if  the answer is right and “zero” if wrong and absolutely “zero” if not marked at all. People correcting would do a mistake, he may be bias, he may be compassionate, he may be rude but a machine carries non of that character. OMR will treat everyone TIT for TAT, right for right and wrong for wrong. And let me tell you, my heart is pounding like a balloon with water filled inside while I am writing this because, I am getting back the picture of the questions that I didn’t know, the moment I panicked and the blind shading that I did murmuring the god’s name because, the examiner would give no mercy of extra time.

After the sweat drenching two and half hour examination, the examinees flowed out of the classes like ants and formed groups to share one’s tragedy at the most and for some, it seemed a “ok” thing  and for few it was good. Then, almost all 3000 unemployed graduates including the in-service candidates were seen swirling around the main traffic of the Thimphu capital. I am sure, MOLHR could have completed half of their unemployment rate survey there itself without having to go door to door.

The 150 minutes inside the room is perhaps the most crucial moment of any Bhutanese graduate’s life. It is the visa for some to finally make their dreams of getting a government job true, thereby bringing proud smiles on the faces of their parents and loved ones and for some, would be just to hold on an independence status so that they would get a beautiful girl in the hand of marriage..(:D).

Almost two weeks for the results to be declared and for fourteen days, the BCSE 2015 candidates would have to give a forced sleep every night and be in dilemma till the miscible thoughts of water and milk is completely separated. I have my fingers completely crossed and HOPE is the only hope for me as for many others.  

As i wrote my last exam

As if the air, sign of life was losing its clutches from within to enter the impermanence circle and the pricking feeling of mourn towards letting go of something that we have got no control over. As i printed on the words on the paper of my last exam, all the bacteriological terms, pathological conditions that for the past one month, that had kept me clutched in busy around the thick text books which also made my blog remain barren for a long time, more than the delightedness of not having to write any more of the exams, i felt myself mourning for the end of youth days that was coming nearer with each passing day.

In between the answers that i was writing, it was very unusual to see myself going back in time, flashback memories of my first time in college, every minute and seconds that i spent in and around the college premises just kept on infusing in and going  out time to time. While the students all around me were busy, some tensed, some hurryingly scribbling, some chewing the but of pen out but there i was, lost into the fantasy in becoming Walter Mitty. Time seemed so long, my fingers around the pen, eyes on paper but mind was ubiquitously flowing around.

The exam was probably the last one that i had written as a student( if i am not to get any back paper, hopefully i wouldn't because i was very serious this time being the last). Well final year is done until the result is out and i am then, 6 months away on taking first step of the next stage of my life.

This time i would have a longer vacation because our internship would start only after the result is declared and for the past two years of my stay here, there has not been a history of results being declared earlier than two months of the exam. So, till then, i will be in our Drukyul only, perks of having to eat more of momos and ema datshis...:D for the longer duration ofcourse!!

Looking other way round, my mind can't help thinking of how fast the college days have past, the joy of being a youth, a student, coming to almost the "THE END" phase. We often say life as a student is a golden life, it is only when we see the finish line that we realize, yes, indeed it is. There is no turning back, timeline can't be reversed, mistakes can't be corrected, sorrowfulness cannot be erased but surely we can prevent our selves from committing any more mistakes and learn to live a meaningful and happy life ahead.

Waiting for this hat to sit on the head!!!:)

The only thing knocking my head now is the thought of one more exam, an exam that would bear the fruit of our 16 years of studying, fruit of flavor unknown. I just pray and hope that the new chairs are born in the hospital and that RCSE, be ready to pull us in, ofcourse, we will try our best as well. :)

Does it really happen with all?? NO??

Seriously needs to touch some flicks on human psychology. Is it only with me? or it does with some or with all??

My exams are nearing and in a month or so, i would be having letters and words dancing in my brain randomly, eye bone palpating disco and mind restless with tension. This is what happens few days before my exam and during exam. Just now, certain fear exist in my heart but my brain is lazy to touch the book. Heart says "Son, exams are COMINGGG!". Brain defends " Come on, it isn't TOMORROW!!". It always turns out that the brain always weighs little more than heart in this case. Unless, its.....tomorrow....we never tend to do.

The clock of three years in college ticked tiger fast. I am amazed again, noticing myself realizing, this has happened all over again. Last year, during the exams, i went through same thought and the same, the year before. First year exam was a hell like experience for me. I had just started my journey through college that in a blink of an eye, i noticed myself sitting on a chair, concentrating on a book, a week before exam. To the peak, i was flying enjoyably with the perks of being in a college life that when the year came to an end, pressure was unbelievably strong. Trying to inject the knowledge of the page infront but constantly, flipping the thick width of pages behind, which i have to complete.I would be like, "yeah!, i am done with this topic!!" . A friend ask you. BLANK!! "I just read that topic, wait, ummm.....yeah....wait, i will see once and i will remember!!" This happened most of the time. Actually, this always happened, even when i was in school. Every thing seemed like fading within few minutes after you studied even when you felt sure that you understood fully on that moment. You flip back on the same topic to take a glimpse once. Clock ticks on the side wall near by. You see "8" with second pointing to 3. You come to an end of two pages. "8" has already become "9" . River of fear rushes suddenly and your pace of studying runs. 

I remember during class twelve, when i used to be in my room studying and when saturated, i would be eagerly waiting for the door to be pushed open and some one come inform me "Dinner is ready, come and eat!". I would jump and run for hand wash. After having a nice meal, then again you get bored with the thought that "Oh no!, i have to resume and take my seat again!" Then i would see my brother and sister playing, watching movies for they would have already done with the exams. How it used to stimulate me to go and join them, but  i used to control and pile up the coins of enjoyment to be used on after exam.Sleep deprived, i would say " i will sleep bong bong right after my last exam and do that, do this!!" Well, ironically, when exams are done, the coins of enjoyment and the sleep that i put hold on to enjoy later never comes. After exams i don't feel like doing anything that i desperately wanted to do when hanging on with books. Funny though, it happens.Did it happen only with me?? 

Well, nothing has changed so far. In college, instead of door, its the clock that i keep track time to time. When it hits the mess timing, book close, go jump for it. Meal over and again, "Oh, this is boring!!" I usually wonder, why do we(may be only i) feel bored to study which are actually important for our future and enjoy doing something which are just temporary for now. 

Deeply seated for hours with butt sore, you kind of tend to give up and promise yourself, "Next year, surely i will start my studying from beginning of the session and keep in constant touch" Next year begins," from tomorrow i will start, next Monday, next Month, procrastination and then you are back on the same couch of tension when exam knocks the door!!

Anyway, somewhere, somehow it has changed now. Maturity has taken troll in me and hopefully, it does to all. I know how important books are for us, for a life, not only for exams, but for the things that we will do till our breathe ceases. BUT, somehow small part of us always remains that way and we are like that all over again. I asked many of my friends, does this happen with them. They say "Yes man, it happens with all of us!!" Relieved, i feel. Well, it's not only me but all. Then i happen to think, does it happen to the Toppers also?, did it happen to our teachers when they were students?, to my father? Answers differ but one point in a life, i think all goes through this stage unless the person really enjoys studying and who holds passion for studying from the time they were born. Am i right? Have my psychology interpretation wrongly interpreted? Well, this is what is in my mind with my limited curves of understanding. (wink)

Exam freak overnight.

It's 12:30 a.m. Eyes are sore, body skin itchy with the sweats of midnight heat and brain about to blast with full saturation. Tomorrow is my first internal exam for the third year session and just few weeks back, i realized i haven't touched the book at all. In school, i was never a last minute person nor i would say i was constant everyday but i had at least the track of academic session within my control.

College life indeed is so free, no one to scold us, no one to tell us "pecha ta sa", always "trowa tenba jogay", having a great deal of fun BUT a big hammer of overload bangs us hard the night before our exam just like i'm having just now.

A great lump of biochemical synthetic terminologies, enzymatic reactions are still floating inside me currently. I felt i understood the concepts when i finished it but when i try to recollect, i see the heads, legs and the other parts of my theories all dancing separately in different compartments of my brain. It was a hard and tiring day for my brain today. This shall continue for one week.

I see myself there.....just now

Quite thankful though, this internal exam is making me at least go through it once. Otherwise, if it was final, i'm sure i would receive "Babaji ka thulu" during my result time..

Yaa chey!!! Ane zhay.....:P