Seriously needs to touch some flicks on human psychology. Is it only with me? or it does with some or with all??
My exams are nearing and in a month or so, i would be having letters and words dancing in my brain randomly, eye bone palpating disco and mind restless with tension. This is what happens few days before my exam and during exam. Just now, certain fear exist in my heart but my brain is lazy to touch the book. Heart says "Son, exams are COMINGGG!". Brain defends " Come on, it isn't TOMORROW!!". It always turns out that the brain always weighs little more than heart in this case. Unless, its.....tomorrow....we never tend to do.
The clock of three years in college ticked tiger fast. I am amazed again, noticing myself realizing, this has happened all over again. Last year, during the exams, i went through same thought and the same, the year before. First year exam was a hell like experience for me. I had just started my journey through college that in a blink of an eye, i noticed myself sitting on a chair, concentrating on a book, a week before exam. To the peak, i was flying enjoyably with the perks of being in a college life that when the year came to an end, pressure was unbelievably strong. Trying to inject the knowledge of the page infront but constantly, flipping the thick width of pages behind, which i have to complete.I would be like, "yeah!, i am done with this topic!!" . A friend ask you. BLANK!! "I just read that topic, wait, ummm.....yeah....wait, i will see once and i will remember!!" This happened most of the time. Actually, this always happened, even when i was in school. Every thing seemed like fading within few minutes after you studied even when you felt sure that you understood fully on that moment. You flip back on the same topic to take a glimpse once. Clock ticks on the side wall near by. You see "8" with second pointing to 3. You come to an end of two pages. "8" has already become "9" . River of fear rushes suddenly and your pace of studying runs.
I remember during class twelve, when i used to be in my room studying and when saturated, i would be eagerly waiting for the door to be pushed open and some one come inform me "Dinner is ready, come and eat!". I would jump and run for hand wash. After having a nice meal, then again you get bored with the thought that "Oh no!, i have to resume and take my seat again!" Then i would see my brother and sister playing, watching movies for they would have already done with the exams. How it used to stimulate me to go and join them, but i used to control and pile up the coins of enjoyment to be used on after exam.Sleep deprived, i would say " i will sleep bong bong right after my last exam and do that, do this!!" Well, ironically, when exams are done, the coins of enjoyment and the sleep that i put hold on to enjoy later never comes. After exams i don't feel like doing anything that i desperately wanted to do when hanging on with books. Funny though, it happens.Did it happen only with me??
Well, nothing has changed so far. In college, instead of door, its the clock that i keep track time to time. When it hits the mess timing, book close, go jump for it. Meal over and again, "Oh, this is boring!!" I usually wonder, why do we(may be only i) feel bored to study which are actually important for our future and enjoy doing something which are just temporary for now.
Deeply seated for hours with butt sore, you kind of tend to give up and promise yourself, "Next year, surely i will start my studying from beginning of the session and keep in constant touch" Next year begins," from tomorrow i will start, next Monday, next Month, procrastination and then you are back on the same couch of tension when exam knocks the door!!
Anyway, somewhere, somehow it has changed now. Maturity has taken troll in me and hopefully, it does to all. I know how important books are for us, for a life, not only for exams, but for the things that we will do till our breathe ceases. BUT, somehow small part of us always remains that way and we are like that all over again. I asked many of my friends, does this happen with them. They say "Yes man, it happens with all of us!!" Relieved, i feel. Well, it's not only me but all. Then i happen to think, does it happen to the Toppers also?, did it happen to our teachers when they were students?, to my father? Answers differ but one point in a life, i think all goes through this stage unless the person really enjoys studying and who holds passion for studying from the time they were born. Am i right? Have my psychology interpretation wrongly interpreted? Well, this is what is in my mind with my limited curves of understanding. (wink)